READERS
JOKES
This page contains jokes e-mailed to me by readers
(obviously)
Many thanks and keep ‘em coming
How did the blonde try to kill a bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that’s way over their heads.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back
Many thanks to hotandsexy
What do you get if you suck a viagra?
A stiff neck
Have you heard about the new viagra eye drops?
They do sod all for your love life,but they make you look hard
Many thanks to whittalls
52 Fun Elevator
Activities
1. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Shave.
7.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
8. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
11. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
12. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
13. Do Tai Chi exercises.
14. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
15. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
16. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
17. Meow, occasionally.
18. Bet the other passengers you can fit a penny in your nose.
19. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" then sigh and say "Oops!"
20. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
21. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
22.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
23. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
24. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
25. Leave a box between the doors.
26. Ask passengers getting on if you can push the button for them.
27. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers, with it.
28. Start a sing-along.
29. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
30. Play the harmonica.
31. Shadow box.
32. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
33. Lean against the button panel.
34. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
35. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
36. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space"
37. Bring a chair along.
38. Blow spit bubbles.
39. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
40. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
41. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
42. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
43. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
44. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
45. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
46.Fart in the elevator. Blatantly hold your breath after someone first notices the smell and gesture to the person in front of you.
47. Don’t own up to the fart and watch everyone’s faces as they get “wind” of it.
48. When leaving the elevator own up to the fart by shouting “It was me!” just as the door closes.
49. Slowly move your hand in between two people and poke one of them in the ass, when the poked one turns around point to the person stood in front of you.
50.Crack your knuckles, and anything else that makes a loud cracking noise. A lot. Whilst doing so moan loudly in pain.
51. Pretend to sleep in the corner and when somebody comes aboard the elevator wake up shout “this is my house, get out!”
52. Charge an entry fee.
Many thanks to streakz200