Two
blonds were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond
said “These look like deer tracks,” and the other one said, “No, they look like
moose tracks.” They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing
when the train hit them.
Two village idiots decided that they
weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get
ahead. The first goes in to see a professor, who tells him to take Maths,
History, and Logic. "What's Logic?" the first idiot asks. "Let
me give you an example.” The professor says, “Do you own a goat?" "I
certainly do - Maisy." the idiot replies "Then I can assume, using
logic, that you have your garden," replied the professor. "That's
really good!" says the idiot. The professor continues, "Logic will
also tell me that since you have a garden, you also own a house."
Impressed, the idiot says, "Amazing'!" "And since you own a
house, logic dictates that you have a wife." "That's my Betty! This
is incredible!” The idiot is obviously catching on. "Finally, since you
have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the
professor. "You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinating thing
I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!" The idiot, proud of
the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend
is still waiting. "So what classes are you taking'?" asks the friend.
"Maths, History, and Logic!" replies the first idiot. "What the
hell is logic?" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example,” asked
the first” Do you own a goat?" "No," his friend replied.
"You're QUEER, aren't you?”
One day Jesus was walking by the pearly
gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus
agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. This man was VERY
OLD! He walked very slowly and had long white hair and beard. When Jesus asked
if he could help, the old man advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking
for his son. Jesus wanted to help but didn’t think he could as there were
millions of people there. “I know I can identify him very easily by the holes
in his hands and feet,” states the old man. Jesus does a double take and says,
“Father?” The old man looks at Jesus and says, “Pinocchio?”
A lady goes to the doctor and complains
that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed
potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later
she’s back at the doctor. She says, “Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the
potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the
food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me
right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the
pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Naah...,” she says, “that’s okay. We aren’t going back to that Restaurant
anyway.”
Jesus was out walking one day, when he came
across a stoning. Jesus looked at the crowd and then said: “Those amongst you
who have no sin shall throw the first stone.” A man at the back of the crowd
yelled: “ Aw Jesus, you always want to go first!”