Once upon a time, a blonde became
so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few
days later as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to
let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the
shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde
thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This
being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and
exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your
pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and
finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the
others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now
I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair colour can I have
my dog back?"
A man goes golfing with his friend, Harry.
He arrives home several hours late. His wife asks,” What took you so long?”
“Oh, Ethel,” he replies, “ It was a horrible afternoon! On the third hole,
Harry had a heart attack and died on the spot!” Ethel says, “Oh, darling! It
must have been awful for you!” The husband replies, “It was hell! Fifteen holes
of ‘hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry...’”
A man moves into a new house and calls it “SIMLA”.
When a friend visits him, he sees the sign the man has hung over the door and asks,
“Why did you call your house “SIMLA”, have you been to India or something?” “No”
replies the man “Its just that its sim’lar to all the other houses in the
street!”
A man goes to the opticians to have his
eyes tested. The optician sits him down and shows him a test card, “Now,” says
the optician “Can you read the card?” “No, sir” replies the man, so the
optician moves a little closer “can you read it now?” asks the optician, “No,
sir” replies the man, so the optician moves the card very close to the man “Surely
you can read it now!” he says “No, sir” replies the man “I never learnt to
read!”