A young boy goes into confessional and
tells the priest he had thrown peanuts into the river. The priest thinks this is
an unusual little sin to confess so he tells him he is forgiven and the boy
leaves. Next, is another young boy who confesses the same thing so the priest
forgives him too, Then the next, and the next, when finally a very small boy
enters, so the priest says,” I suppose you threw peanuts in the river too?” “No
father” says the boy “I AM peanuts!”
As a large impressive funeral was passing,
a man on the pavement watching it go by asked a small boy “Who’s died?” “Chap
in the coffin” came he reply.
A little boy goes into a shop and asks for
a quarter of bullseyes. The jar containing the bullseyes was kept on the very
top shelf so the shopkeeper gets his ladder, climbs up, picks up the jar of
bullseyes, climbs down, weighs out a quarter pound, climbs back up the ladder,
replaces the jar on the shelf, then climbs down again. Then another little boy
comes in and asks for a quarter of bullseyes, so the shopkeeper has to do the
same thing; up the ladder, down the ladder, weigh the sweets, up the ladder and
down the ladder again. A third little boy comes in asking for a quarter of
bullseyes so the shopkeeper does the same again, and by now he is quite
exhausted. While he is at the top of the ladder replacing the jar another
little boy enters the shop, “Don’t tell me, you want a quarter of bullseyes
too?” asks the shopkeeper “no, I don’t” replies the boy. So the shopkeeper puts
down the jar, climbs down the ladder and says to the little boy “So what would
you like then, sonny?” “A half pound of bullseyes!” says the boy.
A country boy goes into town to shop and
sees a music stool in a shop window, so he buys it and takes it home. A
fortnight later he is back at the shop demanding his money back, and when the
shopkeeper asks why he says “I’ve sat on this thing for two weeks, and I aint
got a note out of it!”
A boastful American was being shown the
sights of London by a taxi-driver. “What’s that building there?” asks the
American, “That is the houses of parliament sir” replies the cabbie. “Well back
home we can put up buildings like that in two weeks,” boasts the American. A
little while later he asks, “What’s that building we’re passing now?” “That,
sir is Buckingham palace, where the queen lives” says the cabbie, “well back
home we put up buildings like that in a week” brags the American. A few minutes
later they drive past Westminster abbey and again the American asks “Hey
cabbie, what’s that building over there?” “I’m afraid I don’t know sir,”
replies the cabbie “It wasn’t there this morning!”
How do you make a cat go woof?-
-With a can of petrol and a match.
A little wordplay.
Whats another word for thesaurus?
Why is abbreviation so long?
Why is dyslexia so difficult to spell?