The teacher asked the class “Who can tell me something of importance that didn’t exist 100 years ago?” to which little Tommy replied “ME!”
Teacher: “Tommy
Russell, you’re late again!”
Tommy: “I’m sorry
sir, it’s my bus – its always coming late.”
Teacher: “Well, if
it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.”
Mum asked little
Tommy “Did you learn anything new at school today?”
“Yes mum” said
Tommy “How to get out of class by stuffing red ink up my nose!”
The school
inspector asked the class to call out a number, “Twenty seven” called one
pupil, so the inspector wrote 72 on the blackboard. No one spoke, “Another
number please” he said “Thirty five” came the reply so the inspector wrote 53
on the blackboard. Still no one spoke “ Once more” asked the inspector, to
which little Tommy replied “ Thirty three. Now lets see you muck about with
that one, Smart-arse!”
Teacher: “ If you
have £2.60 in one trouser pocket, and £3.45 in the other trouser pocket, what
have you got?”
Tommy: “Someone
else’s trousers miss, ‘cause we’re poor”
Teacher: “If you
have 6 apples and I take half of them, what do I have?”
Tommy: “A smack in
the mouth for thieving, miss”
Little Tommy said
to his mum, “ Our teacher is a liar.” “Why?” asked his mum, “well yesterday she
said that six and two make eight,” “ that’s right “ said his mum. “But today
she said that four and four make eight!”
Teacher: “Mary,
what does the word “trickle” mean?”
Mary: “to run
slowly”
Teacher: “That’s
right. Now what does the word “anecdote” mean?”
Mary: “A short,
funny tale.”
Teacher: “that’s
right again, now give me a sentence using those words.”
Mary: “Our dog
trickled down the road wagging his anecdote.”
Teacher: “Johnny,
find Australia on the map for me.”
Johnny: “Its
there, sir”
Teacher: “Good.
Now Tommy, who discovered Australia?”
Tommy: “Johnny
did, sir”
Teacher: “If I
gave you two rabbits, and the next day I gave you two more, how many rabbits
would you have?”
Johnny: “five,
sir”
Teacher: “FIVE?”
Johnny: “Yes sir,
I’ve already got one”
Teacher: “Sally,
if your father borrows £10 from me and pays me back at £1 a month. After six
months how much will he owe me?”
Sally: “£10, sir”
Teacher: “You
don’t know much about arithmetic, do you sally?”
Sally: “You don’t
know much about my dad, he never pays his debts!”
Little Tommy Jones
was fooling around in class so the teacher told him to stay behind and write a
sentence of not less than fifty words. After school, Tommy sat down, thought
for a moment and then wrote “Mrs Smith wanted to call her cat in for the night
so she went to the door, opened it and shouted “Here, puss, puss, puss, puss,
puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss,
puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss!”
The teacher said
to little Johnny “If I say, “I have went” that’s wrong isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir” said
little Johnny “ ‘cause you aint went…your still here!”