A lion woke up one morning
feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small donkey and roared, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey said, "You
are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who
is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh
great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll
now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of
all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion
with his trunk, and slams him against a tree half a dozen times, with the lion
feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on
the lion until it was as flat as a pancake, peed on it, and ambled away. The
lion hollered after the elephant flippantly, "Geez, just because you don't
know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."
A little boy was at the grocery
shop picking out a jumbo box of laundry washing powder. The grocer walked over,
and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if
you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill
him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the washing powder to
the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of
washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the shop. The grocer
asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy
said. The grocer, trying not to be an
"I-told-you-so", said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I
tried to tell you not to use that washing powder on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the washing
powder that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle!"
There were these two nude
statues in a park, male and female, who always stared at each other. One day, a
wizard came up to them and said,
"This is your 200th anniversary so I am going to give you just 30
minutes of humanity so spend it well." The wizard waved his wand and the
two statues came to life and went behind one of the big trees. the wizard heard
giggles laughs and saw a little hanky panky but nothing much. After fifteen
minutes they came out exhausted and the wizard asked why don't they do it again
so as not to waste their 15 minutes. The male statue said to the female statue
"Ok, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll crap on it."