Chris goes over to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. ” Hi, is Tony home?” ” No, he went to the store.” ”Well, you mind if I wait?” ” No, come in.” They sit down and the friend says, “You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.” Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says, “They are so beautiful I’ve got to see the both of them. I’ll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together.” Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can’t wait any longer and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, “You know, your weird friend Chris came over. “ Tony thinks about this for a second and says, “Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?”
Little Johnny says to his friend Tommy “would you like to play with our new dog” to which Tommy replies “He looks very fierce, does he bite?” “That’s what I’m trying to find out!” Says Johnny.
“What’s your new dogs name?” asks Tommy, “Dunno, He wont tell me” Says Johnny.
A man tells his friend “I’ve lost my dog” “Why don’t you put an ad in the local paper?” asks his friend, “don’t be daft” He says, “My dog cant read!”
“Doctor I’m getting very forgetful”
“I see mr Bloggs, well take a seat and I’ll try to help you”
“Thanks doc – take what?”
“Take a seat man. Now when did you first notice this problem?”
“What problem?”
A doctor examines a slightly overweight patient and says “I’ve examined you thoroughly and can find nothing wrong, except for a lack of exercise. I suggest you take a walk of at least 3 miles every day, and contact me in about a week.” A week later the phone rings and it’s the patient,” How do you feel, now?” asks the doctor “I feel fine” replies the patient, “But I’m about 20 odd miles from home!”
“Doctor, you’ve got to come quickly” cried the man down the phone “Why, what’s wrong?” asks the doctor “We cant get into our house “ replies the man, to which the doctor remarks “That’s hardly my concern” “Yes it is” yells the man “The baby’s swallowed the front door key!”