The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.” Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.” The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?” The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “Now ask him where the money is!” The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?” The deaf man replies, “The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park.” The interpreter tells the hood, ”He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t think you have the guts to pull the trigger.”
A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown a very fine specimen, which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two pieces of string tied to his feet. “What are they for?” he asks, “Ah now sir” the pet shop manager replies, “this parrot is very special, sir. You see he is a trained parrot – used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says “Hello” and if you pull the string on his right foot he says “goodbye”. “ And what happens if I pull both strings at the same time” enquires the man “I fall off my perch you fool!” screeches the parrot.
Old lady: “ young man, don’t pull ugly faces at that poor bulldog”
Little boy: “Well he started it!”