Did you hear about the boy who does bird impressions?
He eats worms!
A man meets his friend who is walking his dog, a jack Russell which is barking and growling at everything and everybody “ hello George, what’s your dog called?” he asks, “I call him camera” replies George. “Why’s that?” asks his friend “ well he’s always snapping” says George.
Teacher asks the class “What does a cat have that no other animal has?” to which one bright spark shouts “Kittens, miss!”
Daft Harry was driving his donkey cart through the country lanes when he came to a low bridge. He got out a hammer and chisel and started chipping away at the stonework when the local policeman rode up on his bike, “What do you think you’re doing, Daft Harry?” He asks, “Well I can’t get my donkey to go under this bridge ‘cause it be too low, officer” Says Harry. “You really are daft, aren’t you?” says the policeman “Why don’t you dig up the road instead of damaging the bridge?” “Now you’re being daft,” says Harry “Its not his legs that are too long – it be his ears!”
A country boy goes for a job on a farm as a labourer and the farmer says, “If you want to work for me you must be fit and healthy. Have you had any illnesses?” to which the lad replies, “No sir I’m as fit as a fiddle” “ well have you had any accidents recently? “ he enquires “No sir” “but you walked in here on crutches,” says the farmer, “ surely you must have had an accident?”
“Oh that,” replies the lad “I was tossed by a bull, - but that were no accident. He did it on purpose!”
Two Irishmen buy a horse each at a sale, but the horses are very similar in appearance so Pat says to Mick “how are we to tell which horse is whose?” I know,” says Mick “We’ll bob the tail of one of them” but by mistake the tails of both horses were bobbed, so they were still in the same predicament. “I know the answer,” says Pat “ you take the white one and I’ll have the black one”