A man walked into
a doctor’s surgery and demanded the doctor have a look at his willy. ”Why,
what’s wrong with it?” the doc asked. ”I’ll show you”, the man yelled, and
dropped his trousers. His willy was the size of a jellybean, and the doctor
couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing. ”It’s nothing to laugh at,”
complained the man, close to tears. ”It’s been swollen like that for the last
three days!”
How many psychiatrists does it take to
change a light bulb?
One. But the light bulb has to really want
to change.
How many real men does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. Real men are not afraid of the dark.
How many real women does it take to change
a light bulb?
None. A real woman would have plenty of
real men around to do it.
How many actors does it take to change a
light bulb?
Only one. They don’t like to share the
spotlight.
How many nuns does it take to change a
light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, the other to
repent.
How many mystery writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way,
the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
How many women with P.M.T. does it take to
change a light bulb?
How the hell do I know, GODDAMMIT!!
Three mates went on a skiing trip, and it
was so cold that they all shared the same bed to keep warm. In the morning, the
guy on the right says, “I had a dream that someone was pulling on my cock.” The
guy on the left says, “I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my cock
too.” The guy in the middle says, “I had a dream that I went skiing”
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some
guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the
floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three
times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls
down four more times. They ring the bell, and one says, “Here’s your husband!”
The man’s wife says, “Where the hell’s his wheelchair?”
A publican is shutting up for the night
when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a tramp asks him for a
tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off. A few minutes
later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second tramp who
also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes. There is a
third knock at the door, and a third tramp. The publican says, “Don’t tell me,
you want a toothpick too”. “No, a straw”. The publican gives him a straw but is
curious why he wants it, so he asks the tramp why he wants a straw and not a
toothpick. “Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff’s gone
already.”